Moving house

First, I find out that I can't move in to my new flat until next week. Trying to tease this fact out of my estate agent has been like trying to find out whether or not your parents ever have anal sex; hard to do and an ultimately masochistic task. My newly converted warehouse, I discover, the day before we are due to move in to it, is still in the 'warehouse' circle on the 'warehouse'/'conversion' Venn diagram.
I then go up to the library to photocopy my passport for said house move. Apparently they want three copies of my passport so that if I stop paying my rent they can sell on my identity to triplets. The photocopier doesn't give change so I put a pound coin in and get 10 copies of my own passport. What am I meant to do with 10 copies of my own fucking passport?
Finally, on the way home my sunglasses break of their own accord, a little pop and then a tinkling sound signalling the lens making a desperate bid for freedom.
I walk on past a group of children, ten years old or so, playing football on a field. A high octane 3-a-side match on an imagined pitch of 15ft or so. As a boy misses a penalty, his (fat, childhood goalkeepers are always fat) goalkeeper screams, "For fuck's sake Marcus, what the fuck are you playing at?"
There is nothing in the world that can cheer you as much as hearing a child discovering swear words. I remember with some nostalgia the period in which I began to use the word 'fuck'. It is the overuse which marks it out as childhood swearing. Your ability to sound petty and angry increases exponentially. Everyone becomes a fucking twat, or a fucking dick fucker, or a fucked up nob shit fucker.
The irony is that people are often scared by children swearing, and while it can be unnerving to hear someone swearing aggressively in the street, I find that the scariest people rarely swear. In fact, they rarely say a word, they just breathe shallow breaths and don't blink as they stare at you across the street.
Swearing, or at least swearing excessively, is a part of developing as a child. It tests boundaries, expresses new emotions and changes your perception of yourself. But swearing is also a good way to tell your estate agent that he better pull his fucking finger out of his fucking arsehole, before I shove his whole fucking arm, and my fucking fist, and the fucking warehouse conversion right back up it.