Shitty infinity

Where does our sense of the infinite come from? That blackness that meditation reaches for. That everlasting lack of sense that only death really has. I have an acute awareness of the infinite. It took me for a few days when I was young, a gibbering fear that manifested itself as a prolonged hallucination. I don't remember the outward manifestation, but I do remember the fear. It was an unexplainable ball that called forth a pure terror. I remember it being so effortless and empty. It was fucking scary.
It has occasionally returned, more so recently. These past few 'attacks' have happened in the day and have been short in their duration. They have given me a chance to examine them; their possible cause. I have come to the conclusion that they are connected to my digestion. They are the semi-connected nerves of my bowel telling my brain that something is not being moved properly through my colon. That ball of infinite fear is just a ball of shit. I had it this morning, suddenly pushed in to the void. A panic so extreme that I sat stock still until it passed. Then I went to the toilet and passed quite a huge crap. It seemed vast and
solid; concrete like the fear. Shitty infinity.