1. 95% of Human DNA is shared by bananas.

  2. Chimps' and Humans' closest DNA relative is the banana.

  3. Most of a banana's defining DNA is in its SKIN. If you peel a banana, the percentage of DNA that you share can be up to 98.8%.

  4. If a Chimp and a banana mated, it would produce a sterile, human-like banana, that shares more DNA with humans than humans ACTUALLY HAVE.

  5. In DNA terms, we are closer to bananas than to each other. In fact, if you eat a banana, and another person sees you, you can be tried for MURDER.

  6. Also, you can legally divorce your parents and have NEW BANANA PARENTS who are paid for by THE STATE.

  7. The higher your IQ, the more likely it is that you are a DIRECT DESDENDANT of a banana. If your IQ is lower, then you are probably descended from a pie, or an train ticket.

  8. If all of the banana DNA in your body was laid out end to end, it would cause an EARTHQUAKE in China.

  9. If you take the 'B' out of banana, and put an M there, it spells, 'MANANA'. Think about it.

  10. If humans didn't employ chimps to hunt out and kill bananas, then bananas would out perform humans on the STOCK MARKET by 1000%.

  11. You are never more than 10 feet away from a banana

  12. Identical human twins share 100% of their DNA. Identical banana twins share TWICE THAT AMOUNT.

  13. If you steal EGGS from a female chimp, and replace them with a bunch of bananas, she will raise them as her own.